Raiden's Revenge(co-authored by Viteros Ojikage)
by WonkotheSane1
Summary: In the epic sequel to Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Raiden chases after the love of his life, with Ocelot dragged behind...Ojikage wrote quite a bit too.
1. Torture Rack..or relaxing therapy couch?...

Metal Gear Solid 3: Raiden's Revenge  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own this stuff. Darn.  
  
For Solid Snake, it began like a normal day. He infiltrated a top-secret military facility off in the middle of nowhere (also known as Tajikistan, where, inexplicably, a Patriot-run US base was located) where he could track down and kill the first on the Patriot's list, Michael Jackson. He slowly stalked through the halls, watching carefully. His opponent would be a difficult one; he saw the feared Mr. Jackson easily take down a group of dancers with his deadly moves. When it came to a dance fight, Snake didn't stand a chance. His only hope was to quickly shoot Jackson and kill him before the man could notice him. Suddenly, turning a corner, Snake nearly suffered a heart attack and quickly ducked back behind the corner. The guard looked over and got a question mark over his head. "Huh?" Snake whirled around the corner and shot the soldier's radio, and then fired at his chest. Inexplicably, the soldier just stepped back and pulled out an AK-74u, and opened fire. Snake ran up and threw the man over his shoulder. When the soldier started to get back up, Snake shot him in the head, finally finishing him off. The action part of Philanthropy wiped the sweat off his head and calmed his hammering heart. Then he grabbed the corpse and pulled it away, thinking that if Michael Jackson was the commander of troops like these then there was almost no way he could win. Little did he know, however, of the much more dangerous emeny..um, Enenie, emerie? Uh, I mean..Dang it!![bleepity bleep bleep]awaiting him.  
  
"I don't know what'th wrong with me." "You know Raiden, it's perfectly normal to be.different." Raiden was at his therapist's office, hanging on the metal torture rack. His therapist, Shalashaska, smiled kindly and sat in a chair, wearing reading glasses and holding a little notepad and pencil. "So.Raiden. Can I call you Jack?" Raiden shrugged. "Thure." "So.Jack. Um.tell me about your childhood." "Why?" Ocelot stood up and threw the switch. Electricity surged through the torture rack, sending Raiden's body into a near seizure. After a few minutes, Ocelot shut it off. "So how do you feel now?" Raiden's eyes were turned inward, a grin covered his face. "Ohh.that wath wonderful." Ocelot scowled. "Tell me about your childhood, Raiden." "Okay.after I wath born, Tholiduth came and shot my parents up, he's sutch a meanie-poo, and took me to be a tholdier.then I had a glorious life killing peopwe! Then, after that, the Colonel took me in and made me part of Fokthhound.that was kinda too macho for liddle old me! Then I wath thent to Big Shell to take down the terrorithtth, and I met Tholid Thnake. He'th thutch a hottie!" Ocelot just sat there looking. "Anyway.me and Thnake (*girlie sigh*), we went and we beat up Tholiduth.he needs to just chill out, like, for sure! He's not nearly as hot ath Thnake.then he and that nerdy Otacon went off chathing Liquid Thnake, who'th out there thomewhere in the othean with Metal Gear RAY.I thaw thome pictuwes of Liquid, and he wath really really cute, but now he'th in Revolver Ocelot, and tho he's not hot anymore.like totally!" Ocelot froze. Raiden was going to do something evil to him now. But he did nothing. Ocelot glared. Raiden smiled. Ocelot glared. Raiden smiled. Ocelot glared. Raiden smiled. Et cetera. Finally, Ocelot said, "Raiden, has anyone ever called you kind of stupid?" "Yeah.Snake sinks I'm a ditz." "Oh. Now why would they think that?"  
  
"I know! Finally somebody who understands li'l ol' me." Raiden nearly giggled. "Okay...tell what you think about your childhood." Ocelot said with obvious contempt, but Raiden just kept talking...and talking...and talking. Ocelot heard nothing except the endless lisping drone of Raiden's very girly voice talking about everything except his childhood.  
  
Inside Ocelot's Mind: Boy, this kid is a queer! I wonder why Solidus wanted him naked back on Arsenal Gear? Maybe he's gay too.like, what's up with those queer octopus arms. Can you say "Homo"? I wonder if octopus's arms really glow green? Oh, yes, note to self (not you, Liquid fruitcake): get cool Choco milk. Not brown cow crap, Pure Hershey, baby. I'm glad I'm old; I can get away with stuff like this. Old people rule. Young'uns suck with their new-fangled ho- diggles. The Patriots is such a dumb name. And they've stopped making Vanilla Coke in the greater Sacramento area. Dag-nab those Patriots. Oh, what about Mumzies? Is she doing okay? I mean, with the 17 other kids that never left home.I can almost hear her voice now "Shasky! Quit playin' with that revolver and make somefink of yourself!" I'm glad I left Russia. I wonder if they still make those hip tall black furry hats? Me and my homies, we'd hang with those hats, we were the baddest Russkies to ever live. We were down with it.yo. And speaking of yo.lk, as in, egg yolk, heh heh heh (I'm so witty) I do need to pick up some eggs today.I need at least two for a nutritionally sound breakfast.and some toast.I wonder if protein shakes are still disapproved by the FDA? Dang the Patriots! Maybe Liquid was gay too.I mean, what's up with that's hair? I mean, I'd call his house and ask for Snake, then Liquid would ask "Which one?" Then I'd say "The one with crappy hair." Then he'd say "We've all got crappy hair! SPECIFY!" What a funny guy. So, if Liquid is gay, and Solidus is gay, doesn't that mean that Solid is gay? I saw him and Otacon hugging on Big Shell right before Arsenal Gear launched.maybe they're gay too. I bet they're all gay. I mean, what's up with that sick little secret handshake? Maybe Big Boss is gay too? I mean, what kind of name is Boss? Who's was Liquid's mom? Did he have a mom? Maybe he doesn't know about moms.maybe that's why he's gay. They should go to Russia. They've got lots of moms there. I love my mommy. She'd make Rat stew for breakfast. Why do Macs only run 5% percent of the software? Dad- blast those accursed Patriots!! Hmm.that kid Raiden is still here.I wonder.Snake's going after the Patriots, and I have to work for them, even on holidays.dang a Patriots!...Raiden seems pretty gay. Maybe.if I send him after Solid Snake.?  
  
Back in Real Life.  
  
"Wake up! Wake up, thilly! C'mon, why aren't you lithening to me? Enough about silly ol' you, back to me! Ocelot! Ooooooceloooot!" Ocelot looked over. " No.no..Ahh!!!What?" "Why aren't you talking to me anymore? I'm thoooo lonely.without Snakey- poo" Ocelot looked at Raiden and scowled. "Curse the Patriots!" Raiden started to wine. "Othelot! You're thooooo meeeaaanie-headish! You jutht ignore me, and then-" "Listen, I'm listening to you, Raiden. And I think I know your problem." "How d'you know, mister smarty smart smart?" "Crazy Ivan knows all! Anyway." Ocelot stroked his awesome, killer 'stash. "Raiden, after much deliberation and thought (note to self.buy those eggs!) I have decided you are gay." "Me? Gay?" Raiden 'thtared' at Ocelot for a minute. "That'th tho thilly, Othelot! I could never be gay!" Ocelot blinked. "Are you attracted to.Solid Snake?" "Yeth." "Otacon?" "Yeth." "Commadore Filipe Malvolio Andreas, the famous South American juggling military officer?" "Yeth." "Jay Leno?" "Yeth." "Bilbo Baggins?" "Yeth." "That is the final, complete proof, Raiden. You are so utterly gay I cannot say it. It's amazing, your gayness. See, this is my gayness level, right here, next to the floor, see? Yours is just out there. Out there, I don't just mean out there, I mean seriously out there like the stars out there, not on earth anymore, your gayness is so incredible I am awed by the power and richness of your purified gayness-ness. Your gayness is so completely, absolutely, amazingly out there it is immeasurable by human means, that is how gay you are.and you ate gunpowder too. I wonder if that's what made you gay? I wonder what gunpowder tastes like? Maybe Solidus ate it too? And maybe that's why he's gay? If I ate some, would I also be gay?" "I love Thnake.." Raiden started "Shut up! Listen silly.uh, I mean.STUPID IDIOTOSOATIC MORON (Silly is a bad word, Liquid, you gay retarded numbnuts!).listen, Raiden. We know you are gay, and we know you want Snake. You seriously want him. You love him, you want to live with him and have him be your.'buddy'. Right?" "Uh." "Raiden. You want Snake. Go after him." Raiden went into deep thought which normally would be represented by a bunch of little dots, Example: ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ................................................(Dang, this is boring)..................................................................... ............................................................................ .......................................................................(it takes a lot of dots to show how long it takes Raiden to think about something so simple, it just might work)....................................................................... ............................................................................ ............. Finally, Raiden broke the silence by saying "Alright, Shakashaslalalalala..la, I'm going to go on a mission to find *girly sigh* Sthnake! I'll confront my destiny and find Philanthropy. Whether it be through rain, snow, sleet, techno drug raves, elementary school, Kentucky Fried Chicken, CIA headquarters (with the occasionally hot agents) and even gay barsth! But I need your help..Schnackaslalala? Ocelotie?" Ocelot hid in a levitating, spinning crate of ammo (why did it levitate and spin?.....Dang the Patriots!) "Snorkybasket? We don't have time play silly Hide-and-Seek! We've gotta find Snthankie-poo!" Raiden wailed. "Liquid! It's all your fault!" Ocelot screamed from inside the ammo crate "Why is it my Fault, Clint Gaywood?!?!? It just is..girly haired, british crumpet eating, fruitcake!!! Oh, Excuse me for being sophisticated! I actually have a life, gaywad!! You're a limb with a barcode! You don't have a life!! Oh, yes. I don't have a life, because I'm hooked up to you! Stupid....poo-poo head!" Raiden eventually figured out that ether that crate of ammo was an omnipotent entity, or "Shakeysyko" was in there. "I could always use a talking crate, let'sth go!" Raiden said as he picked up the crate and left the therapy center. "Dang the Patriots.....and Liquid......and Democrats.........and the Xbox.....and Russian chess club.." Ocelot mumbled as Raiden left on his quest for Snake. (duh duh DUH!) 


	2. More stuff, and it makes no sense really...

Metal gear solid 3: Raiden's Revenge  
  
Chapter Zwei: Raiden's Quest/Shasky's Preview of HELL!! (That's Deutch, for all you dummies ((that's German, for all you dummkopfs)))  
  
Solid Snake, completely oblivious to the outrageously, obscene happenings that had.have been happening.ARE happening, secretly infiltrated the secret headquarters of.BILL GATES (aka SATAN, LORD OF DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!). As he quietly walked through the hordes of computers, cubicles, and nerds, he made sure to avoid all humans. Of course, he did screw up once when that hot secretary bumped into him when she was going for coffee, but she's was pretty stupid so she didn't notice, didn't even get a question mark above her head, and, and, and. Anyhow, he very quickly strode and then finally got to 'ol Billy-Bawb's very very own office, where Snake hurriedly rolled (if only to look really spiffy) and came up, gun in hand. This time, instead of using his tranquilizer-modified Beretta M-9, he whipped out his silenced SOCOM gun, to take down this most heinous of the Patriots. He found an insanely big leather chair that was turned. A scrawny, pathetic, utterly NERDY hand stroked a lizard, which happened to be pretty nerdy too. Thus, he was named Ned the Nerdy Lizard, but that's not part of our story. "I was expecting you, Mr. Snake," said an irritatingly high nasal voice that would make even OTACON shiver, "and I see that you have procured the Patriot's List. You should know what that is, you know, the list with the Patriots on it? Even a cretin like YOOOUUUU would know what that is." Snake blinked. And then he blinked a few more times. Then he said, "You're really gay. And you said the 'C' word. Time to die, poindexter.but what IS a poindexter, really?" Billy shrugged. "I dunno." "Wait a minute!" Snake stood up, and slowly approached the chair. "The REAL Bill Gates would NEVER say 'dunno'! He's way too smart for that! Then, you must be." Otacon stepped out from behind the chair. "THAT'S RIGHT, SNAKE! IT'S ME!!" "I wasn't gonna guess YOU. I actually thought it would be Raiden pretending "he's" smart, but." Snake shrugged. "Don't make fun of Raiden, you-you-you-you poopypants!" Snake put his hands up like a bunny. "Ooh, I'm so-so-so-so-so sad. OTACON called me a POOPYPANTS! Ooh, ooh, ooh, eek, eek, eek! I.am.so.FRICKIN'.AFRAID! Oh no! Maybe I should wun away! Hewp, hewp! Oh, wait, NO!! Up yours, Otacon!" Otacon buried his face in his hands. "Shut up!" But Snake had just started. "This is just the first missile of the payload, Ottercon. Why don't you just go home and watch your SailorMoon vids? LOOOOSEEEER! *cough*Ohmygoshwhatafrickinloserheshouldjustgohomeandeathispockyandthengetin tohislittleHeerosuitandwatcholdepisodesofMobileSuitGundamthatherecordedandha swatchedoverandoverandboughtaDVDburnerjusttoputthatonDVD!*cough*." Otacon glared. "Clever." Snake shrugged. "Your incredible loser-ness is sucking everything out of the air, including anything REMOTELY cool. Wait, not cool. Kewl. There we go." "SILENCE! I sense a shift in the point of view, as if the story is going to show the perspective of a different character, like Raiden or a bad guy, or, or, or, or, or.something!" Snake did the whole 'blink routine' again. Then he said, "Like that's gonna happen. Seriously, would that ever really happen, that's frickin impossible, and anyway, y-"  
  
In the middle of San Diego, Shalashaska tries to get Raiden's head unstuck from a fire hydrant. Shasky groaned as he pulled, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen, and Raiden, couldn't you at least wear some CLOTHES!?" "But when Solidusth made me naked, it was stho muchth fun, and-" "Shut up, queer!" "I'm not a queer, I've got feelingsth too, ya know! I'll beat you up! I wasth the best child-tholdier around!" "Bring it, loser! You were the best 'tholdier' in frickin' SMALLVILLE!" "Lithen, girlfriend, I'm not gonna take any of your crap! Z-formathion! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!" Raiden continued to snap his fingers in Z-formation, whatever the GAY that is. Ocelot was tempted to rip off his arm and beat Raiden with it, thereby slaying two queers with one body part. "Don't even think it, you stupid Russkie.what what? If you try, I'll call Harry Potter on you!" "SHUT UP LIQUID QUEER!" "Bring it, fool! I'm going to whup your non-tea drinking arse down SO HARD you are gonna.uh." Ocelot sighed and kept pulling.  
  
Later, at the hotel, Ocelot woke up, hearing Weird Al's "I Think I'm a Clone Now" while Liquid hummed along. "Why are you listening to this, Misfit Snake?" "Ha, ha, ha. I'll have you know this is my theme song, pip pip!" "Do you have a life; you pick out your own theme song!" "Like I said, I'm a freaking limb, limbs don't have lives, numbnuts, and I'm attached to YOU!" screamed the right hand which was now inexplicably a hand puppet. "You already used that insult in the last chapter, you British freak." "Do you have a problem with British people, you Russian freak!?" "Ooh, PISSQUID the original hand puppet. Hand puppet stings Ocelot's self- esteem. Feel my tears," said Ocelot, as he wiped his nose on Liquid. "Sick, you KGB! What does KGB mean anyway?" "It means KILL GAY BRITS!" screamed Shalashaska (wow, I typed that) as he bit Liquid. Meanwhile, Raiden looked out at the stars and said, "I'll find you sthomeday, Thnake." He started singing. "Somewhere out theree.beneaaath the paaaale moon skyyyy-" Suddenly, a laser sight appeared on Raiden's chest and started moving up to his white girly head.  
  
Sniper Wolf, in the building across from them, wondered why her hair was green as she aimed at the femme in the hotel room. In the End inexplicably turned on, since she might as well be dead since she loves Otacon. What a fruit. "I usually don't work for free," she muttered to herself, "But this is a service project. Girl Scouts is so unfair sometimes. I mean selling those cookies, and."  
  
Meanwhile, in the hotel room, Shasky noticed the sight and shouted, "Raiden! Whatever you do, don't DUCK! Don't MOVE! LOCK YOUR KNEES AND HOLD STILL, NUMBNUTS! SHUT UP LIQUID!" Raiden, being the obedient gaywad (and also being in a daze fantazing about Solidus ((I know.))) did not move. Just when Shasky was sure of his success, Raiden's blood got cut off and he fainted.  
  
Meanwhile, in Cleveland, Roy the soda guy felt inexplicably sad and disappointed.  
  
Wolf squeezed the trigger, and the bullet merely but a nock in the bed. Cursing, she got up. "Aww, rats."  
  
Meanwhile, in Shasky's mind.(here we go again.the Patriots are forcing us.)  
  
I can't believe Wolf missed! I think that was Wolf.I'd recognize that abnormal green hair anywhere. She told me she ate a weird fish when she was a little girl and that's why. What a freak. She's a frickin' Kurd exiled from Iraq, for crying out loud! She and Saddam (S-Dawg) should hang. I could hook 'em up, he's my homey. Me and him, we're tight. He wouldn't give me his beret, but he's so frickin' jealous of my awesome 'stash. He tries to imitate me, but he's got nothin' on me, it looks like a Mexistash. But he's got lots of AKs.and with lots of AKs; he's got lots of bullets. That bullet is in the mattress. Gonna make it frickin' hard to sleep.but I think I'll just let Raiden curl up at my feet. This is what I get for buying a one-man room. Dang the Patriots. But back to bullets.Metal Gear REX had bullets. I think old-skool is so much kewler than that gay new RAY. Hey, that rhymed! I like Dr. Seuss. But RAY has no arms. I WISH I HAD NO ARMS EITHER, LIQUID GAY! [Is that the best you could come up with, Revolver Leapord?] Did you spend this whole FRICKIN' TIME thinking of THAT!? Puh-leeze! You are such a loser, Nitwit Snake! [Oooh. Now I'm sad. What now, you gonna shoot me in the arm?] Where else would I shoot you, you nude sock puppet? [*blush*] There are five million arms in this world, and I get stuck with some arm that's not even proportionate to my body, you're a fricking balloon, you BADyear Blimp (heh heh)! You've got such girly fingers, it's like you're going to go crochet and eat your tea and crumpets! [That's cro-SHAY, not cro-CHET! And I'll have you know tea is very good for a long life!] LIKE YOU CARE, YOU'RE BLOODY DEAD! [Hey! You swore at me!] In Russia we don't give a !$@# about your fancy-pants $!#@@# cursing, you !$#@-ing !$@#%#@$!(%!#$(^@#!&$)@#!$P{#@!$!@#(&%&!@#%&!@#$$()@#&%O!U@#$R#$!%}#!@$!@#:" %{@!#%_!@#_$*@#)$!$^*%#$!&%_(&%&%$&$%&%$FATTY!@#%^#$!@^%$*&^%*&*^$**&%*:"(*| ){(|&*({#%^&@{$%^}#$@&*():*%(}{"&*&}$*:%^&}$:&*breath*!@#$@#$!^%#%"@#$?#!@# $!#@%#$!^|$#%!!!!!! [You have to take a BREATH when you insult in your MIND!? YOU SUCK, you take oxygen to think!? You are suck a cretin, I've got more intelligence in my wittle pinky-naiw, you bloody PULTROON!] I'm not a pontoon. AAARGH!  
  
Ocelot woke up and found out that Raiden was gone. "Oh, crap."  
  
Meanwhile, Raiden hunted down Wolf, to ask her where she had bought those CUTE shoes. "Sup, Girl. Where'd you get thoseth cutey shoesth? I find that heelth are kinda hurtful to my heelth, ethpecthially when I'm out doing thecret agent thtuff. Tho I wath looking for heelth that are high but not too high, then I thaw thoth shoes, and I thought, oh, thoth have RAIDEN written all over them!" Sniper Wolf broke down and wept. Then she screamed to the sky, "WHYYYYYYYY!!!!! OF ALL THE CHARACTERS HIDEO COULD'VE PICKED, HE PICKED THIS FREAK!! HE'S LIKE A BACKSTREET BOY REJECT, THEY ATE HIM AND THEN CHEWED HIM UP, SWALLOWED HIM, AND VOMITED HIM, HE'S LIKE PURE VOMIT, HE'S WALKING VOMIT, HE'S JUST VOMITVOMITVOMITVOMITVOMIT!!" Meanwhile, Raiden had been happily droning on, oblivious to the screaming, crying, sadsadsad Sniper Wolf. Finally, sniffling, she fell to the ground, and curled up in fetal position and probably went insane. Raiden kept droning.  
  
Ocelot, meanwhile, ran underneath, watching the scene unfolding on the roofs above. Hurriedly, he pulled out a Kleenex and wiped his eyes in sadness for the now demented Sniper Wolf, although this had only taken her insanity further. She's in love with Otacon, how can you be sane and do that!? Ocelot hurried to the elevator, where he waited between to excessively large women whose incredible body odor smote him exceedingly, yea verily, even unto death, yea, even a ceasing of life. And it came to pass Ocelot got deodorant and offered it up unto them, as to destroy the body odor thereof. And behold, the two women were exceedingly pleased with this offering of deodorant, thus Ocelot hath been accepted as King of Fat Amazons of Tika-Tak Island, also known as the headquarters of Slim-Fast. But that is another story. Shalashaska 10:8 Finally at the top, Shasky hurried out of the elevator, to find Raiden still rambling, and Wolf curled up on the ground, muttering something about the bananas that flew and spoke to her. "And then they told me to explode Shalashaska's car, and then they told me to switch to pads, and-" Shasky stroked his 'stash. "So that's what happened!" Then he walked up to Raiden and smote him upon the head. "Raiden! I've just inexplicably found out where Snake is!" "Huh? Where, where, WHERE!" squealed Raiden, hopping up and down. "He's scheduled...for an episode on Jerry Springer, and coincidentally, so are we! Let's go!"  
  
Meanwhile, at the Jerry Springer studio, the crowd hypnotically chants, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Jerry Springer walked on-camera and said, "Today, we've got a few very special guests. First, we've got a.um.Shasskorka all the way from Russia! Let's give him a big hand!" "This is Hades! We're going to sit down and freakin' talk about our freakin' problems and end up freakin' throwin our freakin' chairs in a freakin' brawl that'll just have more freakin' cops comin' in an' freakin' arrestin' us all! Dang the freakin' Patriots!" "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The crowd chanted even louder. "Our next guest is very, very, very...special.and you know what I mean when I say special." Jerry said while smiling. "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" "Please Welcome...Miss Raiden from right here in Frisco!" "Hello, all youth beeeutifal people!" Raiden said as he hugged Jerry, and threw roses into the crowd. Man in Crowd: AAAGH! MY EYE!! "Um.kay. Next is everybody's favorite secret agent.A mister Hater!" "You did not speel mai naeme rong, didd u?" "Um, no" "Ok, then I'll let you live.but I still hate your show!" "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" "Sthnake! You've come for me at lastht! My questht isth over!" Raiden squealed as he hugs Sthnake..uh, I mean, Snake. "Raiden! Get the @!#$&@%$#%$#%$#^$# offa me!" Snake shouted. "Hey, you didn't swear." Ocelot mumbled. "I know he didn't, but random bleeps make people giggle inside." Jerry responded. "Fruit. Everyone knows that this show isn't about dialogue anyhow," said Ocelot, standing up. "Everyone knows.it's all.about..THIS!" He picked up his chair and hurled it at Jerry. Same Man in Crowd: AAARGH! MY LEG! Jerry smiled at his expert dodging. "You don't have a chance, Russkie- boy." Snake stood up as well, SOCOM drawn. "Hey! No one can dodge the expert throwing-arm of Revolver Ocelot.except.a PATRIOT!" Jerry grinned evilly. "Like I said. You don't have a chance. Same Man: Help me! Please! Jerry spun and shot him. He turned again and was just about to speak when: Man: You shot me! You shot me in the arm! You- Jerry shot him again. Silence. Suddenly, Liquid spoke up. "That was frickin' kewl." Ocelot screamed at his arm, "YOU SHUT UP!" Suddenly, Snake ran forward, and held his gun to Jerry's chest. "Freeze!" Jerry was suddenly frozen with terror. Then Snake moved his aimer down to Jerry's happy-fun-tiddlywinks. Jerry smiled. "Not gonna work, FOXHOUND." Snake thrust his gun at Jerry's face. "That's PHILANTHROPY, loser, not FOXHOUND!" and then he pulled the trigger and shot Jerry in the head, who screamed a looooong time as all Metal Gear bad guys must, and then fell to the ground in a gigantic spray of blood. And so, another Patriot died. Snake grinned and dramatically blew the smoke away from the SOCOM barrel. Then he slowly lit a cig and was bringing it to his lips when- "Thnake, that wath THE cooletht thingle thing I have theen, and it jutht addth to your hotneth! Even though your hotneth wath here, now your hotneth ith tho amazing it maketh me pee my panties," he said as is suit turned a darker hue. Shalashaska: *cough*Ohmyfrickin'plagaristIhateyouI'mgonnakillyoutodaywithmyawesomekillerC oltSingleActionArmyRevolver!*cough* Snake glared. "You can't do that." Ocelot looked back. "Yes I can." "No, there is a limit. Don't you know anything, retard?" Liquid spoke up. "Exactly!" Snake pointed his gun at the arm. "You will shut up, gaywadarmbeastlyuglythingthatisstucktoShasky." Ocelot's veins stood out on his face as he screamed, "WHY DO YOU PEOPLE CALL ME SHASKY!?" "Cuz itsth tho much cuter than Shalamoskeymo!" said Raiden, hands clasped. Everyone shuddred. Oh crap, SHUDDERED. Sorry. I'm a bad typer, and while I'm on the subject.oh, wait, wait. Back to Snake. Snake blinked and started to speak. "And then you But what about me? I wish I had a girlfriend. People keep calling me gay. I'm not gay, really, and if anyone just would look deep, and search for feelings, and what we truly are inside, I think we can all just Snake: SHUT UP FAGGOT! Fine! Liquid: Who are you talking to, numbnuts? Snake: Wonko the Sane. He's such a loser, and there's the Ojikage looking over his shoulder and incessantly poking his ribs for no real reason. Ocelot: What a fruit. He's as fruity as Wolf. *Wolf runs through laughing her head off and scattering flowers* Viteros: Why.are we in script format? Wonko: Cuz you frickin' wrote it this way, numbnuts! Viteros: Shut up, buttmunch! Snake: You both shut up! *Skies turn dark and thunder flashes ominously. The studio lifts into the air and begins spinning faster and faster* Liquid: No, please! Forgive us our sins! Shasky:: Quit sucking up to those losers! *25 RAYs march into the studio* Raiden: I give up! Pleath! *Snake pulls out Stinger*: BRING IT!! Viteros: Let's end this chapter here. It makes no sense anymore. Wonko: OOOOHH yes it does! Viteros: Shut up, freak. Wonko: Oh, you wanna go!? Viteros: I'll whip your arse down into the ground. (Oh, it rhymes!) You can't fight worth a- Wonko: END THE CHAPTER NOW!  
  
  
  
Author Note: We were on vanilla coke. Sorry. Wonko isn't really gay. Viteros: YES YOU ARE!! 


End file.
